5, 49, 22, 11, 475, 15, 31, 138, 29, 36, 110, 42, 54, 9, 165.

Each of these numbers represents something in my life but really, they don’t tell you much about me do they?

They could denote my bust measurement, my age, the number of my photographs I have posted at redbubble, the number of years I have spent studying at university, my shirt size, my husband’s weight, the number of my house, my hip measurement, the number of hours I spent in active labour to have both my children, my bra band size in inches, my height, my shoe size, the number of years I have been married to my husband and my weight and the number of lovers I have had. They could represent all of these things, some of these things or none of these things.

So while all those figures denote something about me and may (or may not) provide you with snippets of information about who I am, how I live my life or what is important to me, they really don’t tell you much at all. You might like to think I have had 138 lovers and that I wear a size 5 shoe. You are entitled to think that but you may or may not be correct. You would be making assumptions.

You might think I weigh 138 kilograms or 165 kilograms or 475 pounds. You may be right or you may not.  Each of the numbers is an arbitrary designation foisted upon me by a scale of measurement devised by some wise person who had an overwhelming desire to keep track of things. Time, weight, size, length, volume – they are all arbitrary measures. In themselves, they mean diddly squat. Society has placed meaning upon some of these numbers. Society has placed a moral value on some of these numbers. If I have been married for 5 years, I might still be considered a newly-wed whereas if I have been married for 15 years I am doing pretty well considering the current divorce rate in this country. If I have studied at university for 5 years you might assume I am doing a double degree or postgrad study or that I study part time. If I have studied for 15 years at uni, you might think I have a student debt the size of the national deficit (and you would be right) or you might think I am have done several degrees. If you think I have had 5 lovers you might think that for a woman in this day and age who has been married twice and had another long term relationship, that 5 lovers isn’t too many whereas if you think I have had 49 lovers, you might think that is the most disgusting immoral thing you have ever heard. Or else wonder what the heck sort of pheromones I exude.

You could (and are more than welcome to) make all sorts of assumptions about my life from that list of numbers. Some of your assumptions may be right, some will not be. I am sure I am preaching to the choir here. You know you can’t learn much about me by looking at those numbers. If I hadn’t told you what any of them may correspond to, I doubt very much that anyone would have been able to correlate each number with what it represents in my life.

Yet how often are judgements made (by ourselves in regards to our own self worth or by others in regards to our lifestyle or personal characteristics) when the number corresponds to that which flashes up on our digital scales? Or when it is sewn into the tag inside our new jeans? How often are we judged, not just by others but by ourselves for those numbers? We see some numbers as bad and some as good, depending on what we are correlating those number with. 1000 dollars in our pocket is generally good, 1000 dollars owed in phone bills is not so good. 165lb might be one woman’s dream weight but it would another woman’s living hell. It is all subjective and arbitrary. They are just numbers. Numbers can’t have meaning unless we imbue them with that meaning.

Don’t give numbers power over you. Don’t let a number on the scale or on the tag in your clothing dictate to you what your life must be like. Just because you are 220, 250, 300, 450 pounds or whatever other weight, doesn’t mean you cant have a productive life. Sure, you might not but you might not at 100lb or 120lb either. Wearing a size 20 jeans doesn’t mean you can’t be a good person. It doesn’t mean you can’t be a healthy person. It  doesn’t mean you can’t be a productive person. Or a smart person, or an active person. It doesn’t mean a thing other than you wear size 20 jeans. Numbers do not have moral value. They are merely designations. We (society) are putting the meaning and the moral value on these numbers. We need to realise that we are only harming ourselves by doing this. These numbers are largely irrelevant, what matters is how you feel, whether you are able to do the things you want to do in your life and whether or not you are harming anyone else in the process. And even those things change from moment to moment. Everything is fluid, everything changes – constantly. We need to not get bogged down in what today held or what we think tomorrow may hold. We need to not allow numbers to dictate our lives, especially not numbers on scales or clothing. Let’s break free from being defined and dictated to by arbitrary numbers, let’s do something outrageous and try being defined by who we are as individuals and see how that goes.